15 Responses for "how long did you search for your family lost by adoption?"

1. PhilM January 6th, 2009 at 2:31 am 1

   It took me 36 years to get up the nerve to search. Once I started, it only took me three months to find them. I went through the agency that had handled my adoption. I'm still not allowed to know much about all of that, but at least I have my first mom back in my life.
   References :
   Living as an adoptee one day at a time

2. mlassi65 January 6th, 2009 at 3:12 am 2

   My search took 20 years. I started my "real" search when I was 18 but I really wanted to know from the age of 8.
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3. sarahhhhhhh January 6th, 2009 at 3:40 am 3

   Wanted to know about my siblings since I was 12. Found my brother when i was 18 and stumbled across andrea (birth mother) by accident. I have andrea in my life now and see her once a month for a coffee. See my brother all of the time as i only live up the road from him. In all it took me 2 years to find all of them.
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4. dory January 6th, 2009 at 3:51 am 4

   Wow – my story mimics Phil's. I finally got up the courage to search when I was 36 – after a lifetime of wanting to. I found my mother in three months and have been happily reunited ever since. She gave me my father's name and I found him online that same day and met him a month later. I have a wonderful relationship with both.
   References :
   Happily reunited adoptee

5. kaluah96 January 6th, 2009 at 4:39 am 5

   I have been searching for 10 years 11 in feb. my mother didn't have a SS number when i was born. she was full blooded korean. i hope to find her one day. not to make her feel bad about my adoption but just too connect with her and get information. i am completely comfortable with her if she doesn't want a relationship with me i am grown but i would just promise her that if she gave me my medical information i would leave her alone. if she wants a relationship i think i would be ok with that too. i just don't want to set my hopes too high so that it won't be devistating if i ever do find her and don't get the response i expected. I have no expectations i do want to know what i am. I don't even know what race i am.
   I didn't want to find her at one point because my mother had put a guilt trip on me and i didn't want to hurt her feelings but as i got older i realized i can't be happy for her. i have spent my whole life trying to be happy for her and now that i'm grown it's my turn. I haven't had a turn yet so now i'm taking it. i'm not asking for it anymore.
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6. Candy C January 6th, 2009 at 5:08 am 6

   I have wanted to know all my life but I really have no idea how to start the process since my records are sealed and I can't pay the 1500.00 they want to give me a breadcrumb of information. If you know how to start a search I would sure love to know! I figure it wont hurt to at least meet her she did give me life!
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7. dreamweaver5521 January 6th, 2009 at 5:22 am 7

   Never really wanted to…but am beginning to want to look for my siblings. Apparently, I have 3. They were teens when I was born so they'd be in their 50's now. My bfamily was/is from the St. Louis area and my bmom came to Irving, Texas to have me.
   I never neede to know anything from her/them. Now? just curious, I guess. I'd like to know where I get this big butt! lol JOKING DONT GET ALL WOUND UP! I don't know….just to see what they are like.

   update: Oh, and I'm also fairly lucky. The attorney's that handled mine were/are close friends of the family that she found in the phone book. They have all my legal stuff in storage so, really, all I have to do is make an appt and go in and ask. I just haven't.
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8. sunny January 6th, 2009 at 5:42 am 8

   I searched when I was 22, twenty-one years ago.

   It would have take me a long time, but I.. let's just say 'circumvented' the system.

   I am continually frustrated hundreds of thousands of adoptees are still in the dark.
   References :
   Adult adoptee and family preservationist

9. scorpio_queen_2003 January 6th, 2009 at 6:27 am 9

   i searched from the age of 17 to 29!.and it was just by luck,on an adoption website.what made it harder(to search) was that i was born in the USA and adopted by a Scottish family who then moved back to Scotland.i had very little info on my birth mother,but the little i did have made a connection.i have known her now for 8 years and we are good friends.i would have never given up searching.i now know who i am,and why i exist.i can move on with my life now.i would advise people NEVER give up searching if it seems impossible.keep trying!
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10. TaxGurl January 6th, 2009 at 6:34 am 10

    I'm not searching. I'm content with my life the way it is and have no desire to open what I consider a closed chapter in my past.
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11. Heather H January 6th, 2009 at 6:39 am 11

    Still searching. I've been searching for answers all my life.

    When I turned 18 I joined all the relevant registries but have only had the courage to actively search since around a year ago (at the age of 36)

    Sealed records = State sanctioned identity theft
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12. Emma523 January 6th, 2009 at 6:55 am 12

    14 years, 6 months, and 13 days.

    I was waiting since the day I was born for her to find me again.
    References :
    adoptee

13. Robin D January 6th, 2009 at 7:38 am 13

    In junior high, I remember someone asking me, "Don't you want to know your 'real' family?" I didn't. I really didn't at that time. It wasn't until I was about 18 or 19 that the burning desire (need) to know began to set in.

    I had no idea WHERE to begin for several years. Then I found a group in my area for adoptees & birth parents. I joined the group when I was 22. I waited about 3 months before sending my first letter, preparing myself emotionally for the search.

    It took me several more months before I had the name of my birth mother and an older sister. I found my older sister first, and contacted her. The day we met, she called our (my) birth mom and put me on the phone. I met my birth mom & a brother the following weekend. I was 23 years old.

    It took me 3 years longer to contact my birth father, although I had his information for at least a couple of years. After taking my son to the hospital in an ambulance while having a major seizure, I knew I needed to finish my search for medical information, if nothing else. And for my son's sake.

    At 26, I called my birth father and asked for my medical history. He wanted to meet me. Wow! By then, miraculously, he was living in California where I'm from. I met him, his wife, and two more siblings.

    Both have since passed away. I'm still in touch with a couple of my bio siblings.

    Finding them is the best thing I've ever done for myself. I no longer feel "adopted", which I suppose means I no longer feel 'separated' . I know who I am, how I got here, who I take after (in all three of my families), and what happened…why I was adoped. Not because my mother didn't want me!

    To those of you who know nothing about adoption, I really wish you would stop writing that mothers give up their babies because they don't want them!

    Mothers gave up their babies out of fear, shame, being forced to by family, & because they had NO OTHER CHOICE. Especially in decades past.
    References :
    "former" adoptee – happily reunited = )

14. mommy2squee January 6th, 2009 at 7:47 am 14

    I decided to actively search after I watched what my son's mom went through giving him up.

    I registered with every free search site available, and it was about six months from son's birth to a search angel putting posts from two separate search sites together, and another month before we actually spoke.

    I was thirty two.
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15. Laurie Dunfield-Baker January 6th, 2009 at 8:33 am 15

    I was always curious, but I didn't think I wasn't to search. When I was 25, I got information about my natural parents from the adoption agency, just so I could know a little about them. My adoptive mother wanted to know, too. Part of me was of the mistaken mindset that searching meant I didn't really love my adoptive family. I now know the two have nothing to do with each other. These are different relationships and adopted persons are more than capable of loving various people in various types of relationships, just like any other human being can do.

    After getting the information from the agency, I didn't do anything for another 10 years until my new husband and friends began encouraging me. At that point, I was ready. I was able to get names through public records with some help from someone who had experience with looking through them. From there, it took 6 months. I bought my first computer and muddled through learning how to use the Internet just for the purpose of searching.

    After reunited with my natural dad, I found out that he and his wife had searched for me for years. He and I have a very close relationship and have had for the past 6 years. Actually, he just called a few minutes ago, and one of the things he said was that, no matter what, nothing will come between us.

    My natural mother had passed previous to the time I located her, but I have a good relationship with her step-dad. Her mother also had passed previous to this.
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